Letting a child be adopted before they form a sense of awareness, morally correct?

Hmm, this question seems unexpected, huh? Yeah, it is rare for people to ask this question, since it is generally accepted that a child should be adopted before he forms awareness. But it strikes me hard to think of the reasons behind this common practice.

The story began when I watched a motivational video on Youtube, the author said his parents wanted him to be adopted by those who completed university. As a result, his mother signed a contract for him to be adopted by such a family, but that family later realised they wanted a girl, not a boy, and they rearranged for him to be adopted by another family. The latter family, however, did not hold a bachelor degree but they promised that the boy would go to university. His mother reluctantly agreed. Yeah, everything in this story seemed fine, but I wondered "Have they ever considered his opinion?". He was just a baby, definitely, but was his mother making the right thing for him? Was it, to say, the thing he wanted, to live with a family other than his own kin? I kept pondering over this question, and I asked my friends, they gave me some interesting ideas, but it didn't actually satisfy me. So, I kept pondering over it again. I could not sleep without thinking about this. And I asked myself what would happen to the child, after he learnt that he was adopted. Would he blame his biological parents? Would he treat his foster parents badly, even though the treated him as their son? Would he be picked on at school out of his circumstance? Soon the following thought occurred to me.

First, there is nothing wrong with letting a child be adopted before he gains perception. When we let him be adopted without consulting him, we are neglecting his freedom, we are depriving him of his right to make decisions. Some people may argue that this would result in less loss, since the child does not have to go through emotional breakdown, but we cannot deny the fact that his opinion is being rid of. But, does he have the right to choose at all? I mean, take a look at normal children, do they have the right to choose their parents? For normal children, they grow up with some people, and they have to call them their family. For adopted children, they too grow up with some people, and they too have to call them their family. So, what's the difference now? Isn't it fair that his family are chosen, if not by fate then by us?

Second, some children may go through a rebellious phase in their life, and during this phase, they may be opposed to their family for many reasons. It saddens me to think of what would happen to foster family during this time. You know, we should tell the child that he was adopted, since Pandora's box keeps everyone safe, but it would triple the damage once it is open (my friend used to tell me this), but what would he react knowing such facts, especially during rebellious phase? It is inevitable that he may blame our depriving him of something that we consider not suitable for him (like he asked for new clothes while he had just bought new clothes a month ago) on the fact that he is adopted. Well, this is a harsh, right? But, again, let him look at normal children, do they go through the same situations? It is not uncommon for parents to have such approach towards their children's life. I myself had the same upbringing, but I never blame my parents since I know they are doing the right thing for me and I am just going through a rebellious phase. So, is his excuse valid at all? Is being adopted the reason why his desire is not fulfilled? Or is it just an ordinary practice of parents? Now, let's add another interesting point. I will take the role of a foster parent this time. I want to adopt him, right? Is it obvious that I am aware of the fact that I would have to treat him as my child? I adopted him to be my son, not my brother, nor my servant. So, if he pleads being adopted as the reason why I do not fulfill his wishes, is it equivalent to his telling me that he never considers me his father?

And last, adopted child may be, and very likely to be, picked on at school out of his circumstances. He may blame his biological parents, and even his foster parents for causing him to suffer by abandoning him, or to say, giving him to adoption. But now, let he ask himself, would he not be bullied otherwise? Some kids are cruel, you know, they would take every single chance to pick on their peers, be it justifiable or not. If he is not adopted, but to say, have a normal upbringing, he would too be bullied for some stupid reasons, like he is more handsome than them or even just because they want so. So, nah, it's harsh but I have to say that being adoption really brings no difference to his life at school. Be it adopted or not, he stands the same chance of being picked on. Anyway, he could stand in front them, and clearly and confidently, ask them "So what?" "I am adopted, but my parents love me, look at you, do you think your parents love you?"

So, it's just my idea, if you have any more ideas, or if you want to have a little discussion, just contact me. It's my pleasure to make your acquaintance. Thank you and stay well.

Acknowledgement: I want to send my gratitude to Alice Phantom and Thy Thy Truong for proving me with such interesting insights into this matter. 😇

August 2021, Vietnam.